It is hard to know what to say or do for someone when they lose a family member, especially a parent unless you have personally went through this. Sometimes it is better to write a letter than to speak directly to a grieving person, so as to give them time and space to deal with their loss.
When writing your condolence on death of a father letter, do not say that you understand if you have not lost your dad. This is a generic statement that many will find insulting if you offer it, when you have not experienced their plight. Simply saying that you feel for this son or daughter is sufficient.
Do offer your shoulder or ear for this person, as they will probably need a sounding board while going through the grieving process. Many funeral homes have support group information that can be passed on to families, but they are very impersonal. Having a friend that is available without judgement for this will help your friend move through the stages of grief.
No two people grieve the same, so trying to rush someone through the steps will do nothing but sever your friendship. Let this person know that it is okay to be upset and that you will be there to help with whatever it is that you feel comfortable offering. This could be preparing a meal for them, caring for their pet or even helping to deal with the personal effects of the deceased father.
Only offer what you know you will follow through on, should you be called on to do so. And remember that it is important that this person do things in their own time and not when it is comfortable for everyone else.
Being able to accept the loss and then work through the stages of continuing life without their parent is the most important thing this person can do right now. Let your friend or family member know that you will be waiting to hear from them, should they need you. Do not try to force your presence, as many people tend to withdraw when a loss occurs. Simply let them know you are available, you are willing to help and you will wait to hear from them before you take any action.
If you have any fond memories of the father who has passed away, relaying them in your letter is ideal. This gives your family member or friend a physical and tangible means of reliving that memory through someone else’s experience. This can be very helpful in transitioning through the grief process, and moving forward with acceptance.
When closing your letter, if you have any pictures or personal belongings that you feel they would enjoy that belonged to their dad add this information in. Only if you are willing to part with it, should you do so. They may ask for this item so be prepared to give it to them, should they ask. Close with a friendly and sincere salutation such as ‘So Sorry For Your Loss’ or ‘Remember All The Love’ and sign your name. Dropping this off to your companion in person is the best bet, and will show actual concern in their eyes.